if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Where is the hickey?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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