Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize