I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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