I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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