I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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