What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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