Fuck appropriateness.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize