when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How does it feel to date your dad?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
