It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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