She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
