I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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