she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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