Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
wanna go halves on a baby?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
