Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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