Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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