ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
