We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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