Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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