You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
