just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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