drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
