I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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