If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize