Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
