We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
