East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
