tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
