So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
