so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
