The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
