The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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