I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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