Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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