Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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