you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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