I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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