your parents love me but you hate me
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
