I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
