just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
