i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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