He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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