Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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