Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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