I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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