It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
