i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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