The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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