I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize