if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He better not be in your backpack
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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