he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
