i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
