I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
