My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize