I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
