Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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