So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
