she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you will always have a special place in my vag
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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