the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
