So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
