Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
