He asked me if I "almost moaned"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
my poor anus
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
