So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
