Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
