so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
