i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
