life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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