I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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