I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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