just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize