id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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