I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
