Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
