I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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