never play flip cup with pint glasses
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
