I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
