dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
