I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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