He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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