Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
