Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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