She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
