Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we're making bets on your personal life
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
