you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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