was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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