I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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