When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
