she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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