using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
They took my balls.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
