you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
