at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
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