Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
