I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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